Get involved, help with the planning-Courier Post 2/15/07
February 15, 2007
Section:B
Edition: TAB
Page: 15G

Get involved, help with the planning
MICHAEL T. BURKHART
Courier-Post

Courier-Post Staff

Would-be grooms should be involved from the start of the wedding planning process to minimize last minute changes or disappointment at the end. "It's a balanced process," said Pat Ambrosius, who owns Distinctively You Weddings in Woolwich, who adds that more guys want to get involved in the planning. "We have to find a middle ground."

Almost everything in the commercial world is aimed at the bride. But the groom should not be left out. These days, lots of grooms hate handling legwork, including researching planners, bands and transportation on the Internet, said Mary Harrison, a planner from Lawrenceville. Preliminary information is passed on to the bride.

"The legwork can be so overwhelming," she said. "If the groom can step up, that's a big help." About the worst thing possible is for the groom to not be involved and then suddenly want to change things as the clock ticks down, Ambrosius said. Many grooms also want to be involved in menu selection and picking out the cake. "It's important to them that the cake tastes good," she said, adding that transportation and reception music (song list for DJ or band) are also good guy areas. The wedding should not dominate all conversation. Couples should take a day off each week from talking about anything wedding related. Many grooms are also planning the honeymoon, said Isis Petrie, owner of PureNSimple Productions in Cherry Hill. In addition, some choose to keep the destination a secret, telling the bride only about what to pack. "A lot of grooms are doing that these days," she said. Having separate jobs and focuses can be good for the relationship, she said. With the bride focused on the ceremony and reception details, the groom focuses on the transportation, reception music and honeymoon. "It's a way to stay out of each others' hair," Petrie said. Tuxedos are another area where the groom can take the lead, said Ambrosius. Styles this season look more like suits than in the past, and tails are out. Models from designers like Calvin Klein and Joseph Abboud feature clean lines and subtle pinstripes. There are no pleats and Windsor ties replace bow ties. Ambrosius requires couples to attend the first consultation together. She also has them separately write out their visions for the big day. Then, the ideas are fitted together. "This is the beginning of the commitment," Ambrosius said. "If you can't work together on this, how are you going to compromise when you're talking about heavy duty stuff down the road?" she added. Reach Michael T. Burkhart at (856) 486-2474 or mburkhart@courierpostonline.com

TIPS FOR GROOMS

Have an opinion. Help pick gifts for the registry. Don't be a pushover. Let the bride-to-be know your opinion. Give the bride a break. Cook dinner, do the dishes or rent her favorite movie to fight stress. Be a buffer to the mother-in-law and help keep the peace. Get some help by suggesting the hiring of a planner. Don't add insult. Hear her out, but keep the family bashing to a minimum. Arrange the groomsmen attire. Manage the men and have someone responsible bring the ring to the church. The day of the wedding, send her a gift or a note to read while she's getting ready.